Friday, 30 May 2014

too too too much :(


After feeling unhappy/depressed/lonely for so long, finally i have the courage to talk about it.
For this one week... i tried it all, i talked to my friends, i surfed it on internet, i saw N-no of videos on youtube, but none, trust me nothing could make me happy.

I talked to my sister today, i said it all, i cried... and then i felt so light, it was like the stone kept over my heart wasn't their anymore. But just a few hours later, it was back...

(seems so dramatic, stone over heart, but trust me that is how it really feels.)

i know i had a bad week, really bad one starting to get worse from the sunday night :( but this much... no way... it was way too much

so.... i am thinking what will exactly make it better? WORK? DRAWING? DANCING? CLEANING?EXERCISING(see how worse my condition is... i was too close to exercise :P)

but none of them worked... i just wanted to stay in bed, no one around(still needing someone to comfort), nothing to do, cry, cry my eyes out.... i myself feel so repelling... oohhhh Crazy, stupid, crying b***h...
Poor Me :(

i am not eading anymore (disaster), i haven't cooked even once in last two months,

Then i remember, yesterday was better, it was way better then the rest of the days... i was happy... for no single reason, but i was just saying- saying it aloud.. m feeling good :)

ohhhhh its back :( i don't know when will it be over, i am trying really hard... really really hard...

i don't know what is gonna happen today...or how long i am gonna stay this way... but one thing is sure- IT WILL PASS!!!

Tuesday, 13 May 2014

yet so difficult to share...

hiding her face in her pillow, trying her best to avoid crying... she finally let it go, she finally let the tears crawl by...
it was more like an everyday ritual for her. in his practical, passionate,amazing and realistic world, she was looking for emotions, care, and what else- a few words of love :)

She told herself each day, i will not feel the same way  again... its just the last time i am crying, i will get over this...this feeling of being alone, needing someone.
She loved him so dearly, he loved her back.... but there was something , something missing...forcing her to step back.

 so simple it seems in her mind, but yet so difficult to share with him.

drifting off to sleep, with heavy eyes... dreaming of the world where they were alike...seems so bright

What if he never ever get to know... what if she couldn't ever explain...what if it always stay this way...always...
will us be forever then or was it never a we.. just you and me walking together....

Saturday, 10 May 2014

hey, i am back... :) but for better, i guess.

its been so long since i last wrote something, and shared it in here. all this time, i felt as if a part of me was missing...sometimes it feels so irrelevant to rant here... and sometimes its a real stress buster :)

well, guess what, life is more like a roller coaster ride these days. i am just learning so many things...but all at once. Like, i am sure, one of these days i am gonna master the art of being fake. or may be i have already. i am very well used to hiding my actual feelings now, ticking away the tears, pressing your laughter, keeping your anger in control and what not.

its just that we use different names, sometimes we hide it behind maturity, at others we just act so innocent... ah..
i missed it... speaking my heart out... i missed it saying anything...just anything :P Please don't hate me for this... or please do...guess what  i don't care anymore :P
(i wish i could really mean it)


Well its never easy, but see here i am. I have been away from my blog for so long, can't really remember when i actually wrote 2 posts...