Tuesday, 30 December 2014

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2015

2015 is finally here :)
i like the way that just one night-a few hours , and we start using another digit for the dates...when we were in school,it used to be so difficult getting used to the new year...writing that 3 instead of 4 as the last digit. Apart from the birthday,new year is the day that reminds us- 1 more year has passed. 365 days...

and each year on Dec 31, we send those texts-wishes,update posts and stuff...how the year went by, our goals and desires for the new year and what not.
this year is no that-different, at-least for me. i am gonna spend tonight partying...dancing...smiling...wishing...dreaming...hoping for the new year...the new days to be as much fun as they could be. :)

for someone like me, who is in her last years of bachelorette, it seems like one time opportunity. actually each day is like that. each day i will go out with my roommate and we will wander around, shopping,eating from the redis :p, having pani-puri, paav bhaji, wondering if the next year will be any same. at this point we are not that afraid of the changes, but the way we will adapt to those.
we think a dozen times before going to a new place,buying a new dress, trying something new...oh!should we....as if already trying to please the future husband :), its like putting some imaginary person before you :O.

2014 was a good year, well if i have to rank it, it was the best among all the preceding ones...or its just the way i am- happy with what i have.
it was a full-on combination of smiles and tears, opportunities,headaches,heartaches,fulfilled desires,broken dreams and what not. there was so much to learn,to grasp, some things so tempting, others too disturbing.
Some people i couldn't breathe around anymore, others so difficult to let go...and the ones who will always stay in my life-will never let them go(you know who you are :)). i learned so much about the world, the people around me, things, and most important about myself.

i wish for myself- may this new year change just my direction and not dates, change my commitments and not the Calendar, change my attitude and not the actions, and bring about a change in my faith,  May I live up to the promises i have made to people around me and to myself. 

New year is just around the corner. Bring up your drinks and lets rock this new year eve party like never before. Cheers!





Thursday, 16 October 2014

Changes are good :)


Well this statement, coming from me- sounds a little absurd.

Someone like me who don't like changing her hairstyle, who follows the same route for months, even if is sure that the other way is shorter and easy, i have gone too far.

Frankly i never liked changes(funny coz that is what i do for my living), i hate them.
And in past 2 months, i have changed a lot, not just my surroundings, but the people in them as well :P

it was crazy, and it still is.
but its good, good as new.

once in a while, we all must try some changes. that may be trying something new, or doing some old thing/task in a new way.
that not only adds spice to life :p but also introduces you to yourself :)


Monday, 11 August 2014

My take on Interreligion Marriages

http://www.indiblogger.in/indispire_topic.php?topic=25





Marriage is a bond not just for two persons, but two families.
Does it really matter what religion the other ones follow, or in what manner they pray,Demons and Angels reside everywhere. 
only thing that matters the most is the people, and the way they treat you. if they are ready to accept you the way you are, if they are willing to respect you, and your faith. 
life is going to throw stones in your path, no matter whom you choose as your partner, but are you both willing to walk through them together or not,and if those walks make your bond stronger or weaker, that is what matters the most.


Two people don't need to believe in same God, but they need the most common values, in common.

Saturday, 9 August 2014

good girl :)

‎ ‎ Looks like a compliment from your school time or something,oh dear you scored well,you are a good gal...oh you helped me with this and that,you are a good gal...I feel like we Indian gals are so burdened with behaving like the good gal (my face has deadly expression). I mean I do not know about others but I guess all my life(till now,and there is no possibility it's gonna change for say,rest of my life) have lived with two mindsets- I am a gal,that doesn't mean I am any less than the other breed of us homosapiens. I can compete with these men in every field.And the second- oh! I should stay in limit, I am a gal.‎ Seriously I spent my school life trying to study hard...and college life hiding in that small group of friends, i mean I love my friends,i surely do but I wish I had some real fun. :(.I don't know if I attract my carbon copies as friends(which is a good thing) or they just act like me when we are friends... but we kinda live in this bubble. we love to laugh out loud,but make sure it's not that loud...you know its not ladylike. we would love to go on nightouts, but ah..we need the right company, and by that I mean our family ;( yes I am almost sobbing... I see people planning trips and going on them...and all mine are in my mind being planned... ‎ But then sometimes I wonder what would my life have been if I have lived it my way...doing things that please me. Hmmmm...it looks so great it my head. for starters I wouldn't have ended up as an engineer...trust me that is or was way out of my league. I still remember when I was in second year in btech, I used to tell my friends...I am gonna quit. I hated every bit of it. Thankfully my work is somewhat of my interest but four years of total rubbish,those awkward subjects and those teachers...was it worth it :o May be I would have been a sketch artist,seriously if our world was safe for us gals, I would have become one...no-no I don't need a studio or something...I would have loved to have a paper and a pen and draw random people doing random stuff...and money... Not that I didn't need it, but a small quantity would have made wonders for me  I would have saved,saved money to buy a place in some hilly area,somewhere near a river or something...nah not somewhere abroad, india has enough to offer me for now. I Would have made so may friends,all types, I would have roamed around the city with them...played cricket in the streets...wow that would have been lovely. gone partying ‎ Sometimes I realize that our demands,our wishes are what we expect in return of our sacrifices we did to keep up with this world (this line made more sense in my head) I don't want to be a hippie, I wouldn't have mind being one,but trust me I am too sophisticated for that ;p who am I kidding,,,that would have been wonderful. But I would have said no to drugs,not because that is a bad habbit(remember I am not trying to be a good gal) but because my life would have given me a high by itself, I am sure I wouldn't need some herbs to make me feel cloudy...(finally watching breaking bad is paying,atleast I know what being high looks like)  I already miss that me :o For now all I need is the one who will help me become that me. there is so much I have planned to do...places we have to visit, kinda parties I want to attend... and nightouts yesssss.... I would just like to stay awake till 2 am watching some vampire series and then to take my bike(our) and we go for a ride...wow Sometimes I wonder why do I need someone to walk with me... can't I walk alone...as people say we came in this world alone and we will leave alone... Yes we did,and we will do but I would like to share this in-between time with someone... So my-mr.one trust me I have been a good gal for so long, it's time for you to show up :p‎ 

Monday, 4 August 2014

WISHES :)

i wish...

well i do wish so many things, since the time i learnt that i could have something other than what i got, or when i came to know that i may get one out of n-options, say it anything...i started wishing.

starting from the point i open my eyes- "i wish its pleasant outside, but please no rain until i reach office, just coz i hate wearing raincoat"

while getting up, i just wish there is some milk left, seriously its not a morning when you can't have coffee/tea, it would be more like late- late-late-late night.

while getting ready, i wish the dress would fit perfectly the way it did last time, i can't believe how the dresses  change sizes by themselves, because i believe i can't still its loose/gain in one day but the dress seems like it hangs the next day or even worse shrinks by itself the other day.

while leaving my room, i look back and see the mess i have created, just to realize how lucky i am...i wish i could stay single for long and long.

looking at a couple, i wish i had someone to hold on to, just to wish the opposite when they have to share their chocolates :) or when i see them arguing

just while entering office, i wish my manager was on leave (i don't know why i wish that considering i have to do the same work no matter he is there or not, but seems like an obvious wish :P )

while leaving for pg... i wish i could actually live here with my family, it would have been so nice to to go back to home each day :O

wishes, wishes, wishes... i wish this, i wish that. yes there is no end :)
but there is a reason why these all are not fulfilled, and the reason is- "God loves to play :P seriously, he just don't feel like being generous all the time. he likes us when we laugh, but he gets so bored, so he injects some tears as well."

i am sure you were waiting for some crap like- "God does that coz he has better plans for us" no, trust me there is nothing like that :P
i bet i could have planned my life a better way... yes it would have been a mixture of some fairy tales (with some drama for sure)but who cares when i am chuckling and the people around me are happy...lol

Thursday, 24 July 2014

Friends :)

Hope was lost in her dreams when she heard her phone ringing. She wanted to just switch it off, just like that without even looking at the caller's name. she wanted to stay away... far away from her, but each time she acted like hypnotized, and went all the way to her doorstep like a pet. she hated it, the way she felt.

Everything was so wonderful a while back, they were best of friends, talking about everything, texting every detail of their day. People may have considered them gays :P but they never cared. they were like sisters who were best-est friends. Eva was the first one to know every single thing about her life, her crushes, her dates... just a text and they can tell something is wrong in the other one's life. even the thought made her eyes wet. the door opened, there she was, Eva hugged her like always, she followed her to her room, eased herself on the bed and waited for her to start.

she was waiting for another story of someone she dumped, or a new crush, a new date... it was something that happened all the time in her life. where hope was all about traditional values, Eva was someone who lived in the moment. she sometimes wonder how they became that good friends. 
but know it was all long gone, last few months have been like hell for her. All of a sudden Eva has stepped back, she was busy all the time, she never took her calls, when she did called back, she was always in a hurry to get back. they didn't went out much, the Sunday coffee ritual at CCD was a long gone thing. She asked her a couple of times, but she always dismissed her questions, and then she stopped asking. She knew it was something to do with the new guy in her life. she has met him once(seems like a joke considering the bond they shared) and now she was calling her non-stop from two days. she never said anything much just casual chit-chat, hope was sure there was so much going on, but she didn't want to push her. 

She called her name, she wondered where she just went...and then she saw her, coming with two wine glasses, and a bottle of Coke. yes that's how they were. 

she saw her eyes, they were swollen, and red. she asked her- what's wrong Eva.
And it was done, tears started flowing from her eyes, she tried to stop but as if she had-had so much that she couldn't control anymore. she hugged her, consoled her, patted her back. she let her cry, she didn't knew the reason, but she knew very well how to take care of her friend. 
in those tears, she forgot her anger...the frustration she had since past months was long gone.

they sat there with silent tears and little sobs for hours, and then she talked. 
for hours, her story,she told her that she was sorry that she ignored her dear friend, and that was the reason she fought so hard her urge to talk to her about her pain.
she just gave her an understanding nod and tears started flowing. 

And just like after every other fight
Hope-Oh common stop this girly drama,play some music...we don't need a hot-cold drink :P

they danced, they hugged, they cried, and then they laughed.
 


Wednesday, 16 July 2014

today i was wondering what would have been my life it i have made different choices.
looking at the 7 year's old pic of mine, i thought have i lost all that innocence, that craziness, and that awesomeness :P  yes, trust me my smaller version was the better one. i was one of those kids who mind just their own business, sometimes not even that. so funny, so witty, and a lot more jolly i was. sometimes i just look at those old photos, my journals and realize how much i could learn from that person, the person i was.

i tried to list out all the stupid and wrong choices i have made in my life...till now :).  
The people i should have avoided,the friends whom i should have never let go, days i shouldn't have spent sticking in my bed, saying NO to the things i never wanted to do. dreams i shouldn't have seen... so much more.
But the life, this life didn't came to me with a manual. but is it possible to send some message to your earlier self...i have seen this movie where there are different ages going on in separate worlds in the universe(at one time). And somehow people (leads ofcourse) have left messages for themselves. it was crazy and insane yet so amazing :P i mean you find a note in say your notebook, that no-no don't be friends with XYZ, he is gonna hurt you later. Or don't lend your favorite accessories to her, she will never return it. (stupid me )

seems like fun... no more heartaches, or tears(we girls :P) ... you already know what to do and what not to.

But would i ever REALLY get to know about the things and people unless i get to know them. would it be that great to have happy times all the time, wouldn't happiness loose its  meaning. 
when a parent tells his/her child- don't touch the pan its hot. he will touch it if not today but may be tomorrow or day after. but once he will, he won't repeat it...Lesson learnt :P
its painful yet so necessary to go through the heat waves, frantic fights shallow hearts.

Sunday, 6 July 2014

random thoughts :)

Hey
Guess what I wrote this (piece of whatever you wanna call it) in a roadways bus at 5:00 in the morning…not just that, but on a Saturday morning.
If someone else would have said so…my first comment would have been-OMG how could you? Getting up so early on a Saturday morning to catch a bus..that too just to go home. Well, I am not outa my mind. I am just a lil bit sick. Well getting sick is not something that happens everyday you know…not atleast to me. Not that my immune system is really strong or something…its just that I do not call- having headache, stomach ache as a sickness. They are just regular stuff you go through every once in a while.

What I call sickness is when even doctor says I will be fine in a couple of days but in the deepest of my heart I feel as it’s all over…I remember when I last felt it. In second year of hostel (I should say college but who exactly went there) I was stung by an insect, we used to call that “POINTER” I am not sure what his MEDICAL name was.. Not that I care but it would have been nicer saying- pagdgefdgeydggd stung me :P
So one morning I woke up and I had a big red mark on my neck, my eyes were swollen, and I thought I was gonna die. But ofcourse I didn’t :P.
Well I surely took 10 days off from college, because I was stung by an insect-WHO RESIDED IN COLLEGE’S HOSTEL”

So, what I had…no-no not some serious disease, I just had a lil fever and the body-ache. I wasn’t that scared or something (like I was when stung) but was kinda happy…you know sometimes you have to fall sick to feel special, to get that caring attitude from the people around you. But uf my case… I  don’t know if I am bad at performing or people just think that I can take care of myself…but there was nothing…no one to take care(I know I live alone, but still no calls)haha

I really missed getting sick at home… you have all the rights…you can ask Mommy, please stay with me… she will herself give you the meds, you didn’t have to track your own health, you can say- mommmmyyy I want to eat that. No-no not that,.
Ahh… really miss family at such times and at others too… when I am too happy, when I am sad, when I need someone, when I want to stay alone…when I achieve something, when I lost something… I just need them all the time J
Jags.




Friday, 27 June 2014

Happiness is...

May be you are familiar with the Facebook Page, where everyday there are some posts stating "Happiness is..."

these cover anything and everything from "morning sleep to evening tea", "lover's kiss to mother's hug", "dog's licking to party bash".

Seriously happiness is everything...from the smallest of the things to the biggest joys of life. from a stress free day at work to a movie that really made you cry, anything at all :) just depending on what exactly you have in mind.

At this moment, happiness for me is: "that awesome feeling when you feel so much respect and love for yourself :P "

Cheers to happiness!!!

Thursday, 12 June 2014

from being awful to being wonderful :)

i am back :)
i think that is how i have started all my posts in past few months.. God! what has happened to me :P

Well, worst is over :) i am back with my happy self :)

if you ask me how exactly that happened, i would say i thought a lot :-of joining some hobby classes, cooking, painting, going of long walks... and what not.  But what i actually did was: NOTHING :), i just let it pass and tried to minimize the impact of that phase.

i just realized that there was no particular reason why i was behaving like a weirdo, its just like someone has flipped on a switch and awww boring Jagriti is on :P 

i tried, not to hurt people i love (i know i am the best :) )
i tried to keep the worst thoughts away from my mind, each time i had an unwanted thought i would just imagine closing the door for that, its kinda funny but it worked... 
Think---the thought trying to enter your mind, and you shut the door at its face(or front, whatever we call it)

So, just be crazy, do whatever you want to do...because anything, i mean it: anything and everything means nothing if you are not happy :)




Friday, 30 May 2014

too too too much :(

Heyyyyyyy

After feeling unhappy/depressed/lonely for so long, finally i have the courage to talk about it.
For this one week... i tried it all, i talked to my friends, i surfed it on internet, i saw N-no of videos on youtube, but none, trust me nothing could make me happy.

I talked to my sister today, i said it all, i cried... and then i felt so light, it was like the stone kept over my heart wasn't their anymore. But just a few hours later, it was back...

(seems so dramatic, stone over heart, but trust me that is how it really feels.)

i know i had a bad week, really bad one starting to get worse from the sunday night :( but this much... no way... it was way too much

so.... i am thinking what will exactly make it better? WORK? DRAWING? DANCING? CLEANING?EXERCISING(see how worse my condition is... i was too close to exercise :P)

but none of them worked... i just wanted to stay in bed, no one around(still needing someone to comfort), nothing to do, cry, cry my eyes out.... i myself feel so repelling... oohhhh Crazy, stupid, crying b***h...
Poor Me :(

i am not eading anymore (disaster), i haven't cooked even once in last two months,


Then i remember, yesterday was better, it was way better then the rest of the days... i was happy... for no single reason, but i was just saying- saying it aloud.. m feeling good :)

ohhhhh its back :( i don't know when will it be over, i am trying really hard... really really hard...

i don't know what is gonna happen today...or how long i am gonna stay this way... but one thing is sure- IT WILL PASS!!!

Tuesday, 13 May 2014

yet so difficult to share...

hiding her face in her pillow, trying her best to avoid crying... she finally let it go, she finally let the tears crawl by...
it was more like an everyday ritual for her. in his practical, passionate,amazing and realistic world, she was looking for emotions, care, and what else- a few words of love :)

She told herself each day, i will not feel the same way  again... its just the last time i am crying, i will get over this...this feeling of being alone, needing someone.
She loved him so dearly, he loved her back.... but there was something , something missing...forcing her to step back.

 so simple it seems in her mind, but yet so difficult to share with him.

drifting off to sleep, with heavy eyes... dreaming of the world where they were alike...seems so wonderful...so bright

What if he never ever get to know... what if she couldn't ever explain...what if it always stay this way...always...
will us be forever then or was it never a we.. just you and me walking together....

Saturday, 10 May 2014

hey, i am back... :) but for better, i guess.

its been so long since i last wrote something, and shared it in here. all this time, i felt as if a part of me was missing...sometimes it feels so irrelevant to rant here... and sometimes its a real stress buster :)

well, guess what, life is more like a roller coaster ride these days. i am just learning so many things...but all at once. Like, i am sure, one of these days i am gonna master the art of being fake. or may be i have already. i am very well used to hiding my actual feelings now, ticking away the tears, pressing your laughter, keeping your anger in control and what not.

its just that we use different names, sometimes we hide it behind maturity, at others we just act so innocent... ah..
i missed it... speaking my heart out... i missed it saying anything...just anything :P Please don't hate me for this... or please do...guess what  i don't care anymore :P
(i wish i could really mean it)

Sunday, 9 March 2014

My To-Do List... :)

Its been so long since i last logged in here... i mean, yes i did sneaked a little sometimes, just to be sure its here :)

in past few days, i actually did some stuff that i have always wanted to do... and by always, i mean at-least for past 2 years... :)

although my to-do list has "learn driving" as the first point, but its like, i am still not ready for that, and i know that's a shame. huh...
i wish there was no clutch and stuff, just a brake and race... no-no - no i am not going for the automatic one... that's even more shameful :(

anyways coming to my point.. finally i did it :)
:P
finally i got a tatoo :)
yes.. a permanent one...
(people do stare at me when they get to know that its a permanent one)
 i know, i know its a big commitment... some day i may regret it, but at others i am really gonna love myself , for doing this bravery :P ... yes it was a daring thing to do... i mean getting a needle into your arm for almost half an hour is so big an achievement for someone like me...who is afraid of injections...yeah! i still need someone to hold on to... who likes a needle piercing your skin...

trust me, i did talked three more family members into it, just to avoid the "only-you-are-like-that" situation at home.  :P




Friday, 24 January 2014

could it be any more shameful???



just read this article in "THE NEW YORK TIMES"

NEW DELHI — A young woman in West Bengal was gang-raped this week on the order of a village council, to punish her for planning to marry a man from outside the village, according to the Indian police.

Couple was ordered to pay fines totaling 27,000 rupees, or about $442, Mr. Yadav said in a telephone interview. Mr. Sheikh paid his portion and was allowed to leave, but when the young woman’s family refused to pay, Mr. Mardi ordered villagers “to enjoy her,” said a police officer who spoke on condition that he not be named.
She was then raped repeatedly in Mr. Mardi’s mud-and-thatch hut.

Local politicians sometimes react angrily to the publicity given to rape cases, which they believe reflect badly on their administration. The chief minister of West Bengal, Mamata Banerjee, lashed out at rape victims last year, saying in one case that a victim was lying, even though the police found evidence supporting the victim’s account.

Times of India -
Even as the administration claimed it had acted promptly, more gruesome details emerged. Villagers told TOI on Thursday that after the kangaroo court ordered her to be sexually savaged, the woman was placed on a raised bamboo platform so that the gang-rape was viewed by the entire village, children included.

I know women are being treated in worst of the ways in so many other countries, but i can't believe it could happen anywhere else... 
the place where Women were treated as Goddess,(yes,  "were" because even respecting them is just so  fake these days)
an elder in village... a village where all the people are like family... someone telling guys-to go, enjoy her( it is still written in a decent way i guess )

the elderly person may be mentally retarded or something, but what about all the other people? They did that???

And the reason- they found her in some objectionable situation...how would they define her situation after the incident???

First of all its her personal matter, let her family decide.
May be they were really into each other... but no... why bother?
They are to decide na?

They say the girl must not marry outside the community... which must have started just to ensure her safety. Marrying her to someone you know, so that she didn't find it that difficult to adjust to her new home.
But who cares?

Being in Love with some guy, from other community is polluting the minds of youngsters.
So what would they call this decision???

Wednesday, 8 January 2014

i am just not ready... :)



Its been so long since i last posted here.
No silly excuse... just that... i didn't felt like. :)

life is taking turns after turns... some are so damn dramatic, yet so right as if that was something i have always wanted.

but there is something really terrifying... Guess wat...these days it appears as if everyone...everyone around the globe is getting married or got engaged or has a kid or something.

as if all of a sudden this is a trend... 


i wonder what will happen if i get married :O
my life will be totally upside down... :O i still remember when ma mom was sick and i used to do all the household chores...
ma daily routine went on like this-
get up
get ready
COOK
CLEAN
COOK
Tea break( oh! you have to make that yourself)
a lil more COOK
Finally cook and clean
Prepare for the next day 





that day i realized why my mother is always so tired. :(  that day i realized being a home-maker is the hell of a job, that too 24*7.

So are we really ready for that :O

doubled relatives
doubled work
doubled resposibilities... all these doubled appear so troubled. :)

And to this our elders say... you will learn with time, but will we? or will we just accept the fact that that is the new definition of life.

i mean no late night movies, no last-moment-plans, no just-for-sake-of-fun-outings, no weekend back-to back episodes, no all time chatting and no for so much more :(

That really felt bad :(
i seriosly don't think i am ready for any of it. 






Comeback...

Well its never easy, but see here i am. I have been away from my blog for so long, can't really remember when i actually wrote 2 posts...