Wednesday, 30 January 2013

shaking hands with reality...

huh...

sometimes i hate our movie world so much...
there was a time in our childhood when each and every movie seemed to be a fairy tale... people coming...after having some contradictions or  a few problems life goes from beginning to THE END.


and now when we are facing this World... the real world...they are releasing all this real life based movies.

it would have been so nice if they have given us a lil at-least a lil overview about what the real story is...

after such a long break...i finally started reading novels again.
but its not like what it used to be,... no matter how many pages and hour it consumes... i used to complete a novel in one shot.
but here i am... struck with this one novel from past one month.
and the most important thing is that if it wasn't this interesting i would have left it in-between.
i guess same goes with life.

at one point...today or tomorrow we will have to understand that life will go on. you want or not.
that too just with cosmetic changes...
"no matter what you want, you have just one option...yours is the only life you can live"

i understood one thing in the recent times...
that


i can live my life...happily and heartily only if...
its that interesting...
and its only me who can do that.

P.S. - to make it interesting don't make the biggest mistakes of your life... enjoy life in a way... which you know you will never regret


Sunday, 27 January 2013

if i were a boy...

i can still remember the times when i used to talk like a boy...it was all like... 

mai padh raha tha.... mumma mai ja rha hu.

it was just a way to show my happiness and how awesome i felt....how much cared...and may be a lil spoiled...
 i would just copy my brother...the way he talks...the way he walks... 

that time i thought it was really just a way to show affection...

but now when i look back at those times... i know i just wanted to be like him...so that i would be loved always...may be i will also stay with my family for my whole life...  
may be i just wanted to be a boy...

there was no discrimination...of any kind in my family... and i am thankful to God...for choosing such an amazing place...a beautiful bunch of people... so loving...caring... understanding... so much more :)

i guess family is always like this for everyone..because of the love we share,.. the care... the WE thing...


still throughout our childhood + adolescent we have heard so much about this gender discrimination thing...thanx to media...and the people around us.

 sometimes i wonder what would have happened if my father was one of that kind... being the second daughter i wouldn't have even seen this world...
should i be thankful to him?? or his parents(my grand parents)...????  their guides(teachers)??? or god???

my father for being such a wonderful sport, my grand parents for being such an amazing parents and human beings...or God... for choosing all of them for me :P


may be at times i still wish i was a boy... 

if i were a boy... i would have done everything that i always wanted to...going out wherever and whenever my heart says... making new friends...without even considering anything... 
spending all my money on stupidest of the gadgets... and almost no prob to anyone...
having sisters to love me unconditionally...
not supposed to work my ass off... even when on holiday...or visiting relatives...
or even going out with any of friends...

it would have been wonderful...stepping outside home...no matter what time it is.. 
not worried about the way people looking at you... 
not seeing that worried eyes... when i leave home each day...
not hearing that scared hello when staying away from home.

dancing when i feel like... 
creating a creative mess in my room.
pasting the dumbest of posters on my room's door.
wearing the same socks three days in a row...and still being proud of it. (lolz)
 :D
being proud if people call me playboy (haha)

so so so much...(things which are so damn important that only a gal knows )





but whenever i look at my parents...
the way they look at me...
when they smile on my achievements...
the way they tell me they are so proud of me...
the trust they have in me...
the way i understand even the simplest of their insecurities...their fears.. their pains
i feel so good :)


people say we gals are so emotional... like crying babies always...

but you know what i am proud of myself... 
i know i would have been a wonderful boy...
but i am even much much much better HUMAN-BEING being a gal :)



If I were a boy
I think I could understandHow life is for a gal so, I swear I'd have been a better man

Saturday, 12 January 2013

i tried... but it just wasn't you...i was dealing with.

Rehaan woke up...
His head felt like a rock...and the whole room seems like revolving around him.
A sigh escaped his mouth. And then he saw... The whole room was a mess.

Books scattered over the floor...flower vase broken...lying at the bedside... Tv still on...
 He got up and looked in the other room...kitchen...in balcony...upstairs...but she wasn't there. He felt pale... Where could she be? He picked up his phone and dialled her no... Switch off???? What the hell??
He couldn't figure out what the hell happened...and he couldn't even remember what happened last night.

He decided to go outside to find her... But... There was something on the floor.
No its can't be... No way...

But yes it was... How the hell is it possible?
There were blood droplets... He thought it aloud this time-"what the hell has happened here!!!" and where is Ananya?

He called her again and again... Switch off... And then he saw it... A kettle and his breakfast ready on the kitchen table...and there was a note... Its sunday...where would she hav gone
the note...unlike all other times... Was written neatly and properly... As if she was not in a hurry.
Oh...its a letter...but why would she write a letter...
 He read-
Rehaan,
you remember the day when you have proposed me? You said- you love me...you will always love me. I believed you.

The day when you asked me marry you...your vows were all about the love we share...and that we will give each other all the happiness...this world can offer.again i believed you.
But
I left my parents...my family for you...
you said...we are each other's family...
You will always be my side...i believed you.

But i realized it yesterday...that everything you told me was a lie... A big fat lie. You don't love me...you don't care for me.

one year has passed since the day we started this small lil world of ours...and it was our anniversary... Our first marriage anniversary...and you hurted me... I tried again and again...but you came home drunk...each day... No matter what day or date. You have hurted me so much...but my love for you...had just transformed me into a mild viewer...i hated to see you this way...but thought you need some time and space...

 But last night...you slapped me... That slap wasn't just on my face...but my trust...my love.
I was lying on floor... My nose bleeding...my cheek all red...and with tears in my eyes...
And you just went to our bedroom...switched on the tv...and slept PEACEFULLy.


I tried...for you...for myself...for the love we shared...for our past.

But this is not what i wanted.
Till now i used to think.. eloping was my biggest mistake... Or maybe loving you was.

Sunday, 6 January 2013

New gal in the city...



Hmm... I remember, in Wake Up Siddh...the article that konkana has written...
No its not the copy of that... But its something HATKE...hehe.

Well...coming back to my point...do you know exactly what happens when a girl come from a small town to a big city...
The moment when she has decided to give her wings the chance to fly...she is scared. She is scared of the world...the strong wind...rain...and herself.
They say no one can hurt you without your consent. No one else can make you  feel bad about someone or something...but yourself. 

it was 8pm. I was on my way...going to my cousin's house. Yes its me...jagriti :).  here in this city beautiful...i am trying to make my beautiful dreams true. The only wallpaper my laptop has to bear these days is- 'chase your dreams' :).

Considering the convenience problem...my parents have gifted me a scooty...a key to free life... A key to roam wherever and whenever i want to (haha seems cool but...i am a gal :( ) no matter what people say...-boys and girls are same...or whatever...i don't care...
The only thing i know is... Yes we are not safe.

Yes my brother could have picked me up...but i need to take care of it...i cannot just be a burden on everyone...and last time have reached there myself...(with just one difference...it was at 12 at noon...daylightwith this firm note in mind...I crossed  + i had a full day ahead...to find my way)  one more km...and now i am no more sure about my location. Have slowed down  my scooty a Lil...  my mind is racing faster. Ah...one more decision...i need to take...left...right or straight??? Aah..that's bullshit. How could i decide when i don't have a single clue about where i am.
According to the guys...who are living here since ages-'ah common,,,don't be rediculous...its a planned city...oh come-on...u can't remember that?...'


I am loosing my temper...what the hell is wrong...and then i saw a person...walking on my side of road...
Should i ask or not?
pulling the brakes...i asked him about the location. He gave me the directions. And once again...(should i follow or not) he says...am somewhere else...ah...he got to be kidding...how could i be in sec say abc...when i have left from home for just opposite.  m kinda afraid...its dark...and i am like a bird...searching for her nest... :p at such moments... I pray-why you thought of making me a gal? I would have been a cool guy...better then all these...m sure :D.

Taking a u-turn...have started again... Before this i was following my instincts..( whom i am ready to hang...till death)  now i am following people's directions... On every turn...red light i will ask someone-'am i on the right track?'

i reached near some localities...ah now what? There was a guy( must be around 28-29 years old) i asked him the way... He said-'arre you are on wrong way...you need to go back a lil'

i took a you turn...but i instincts said-NO.
I thought of giving them this last chance...i asked that person again-sir are you sure?

He thought for 3 seconds...and said...oh no i am sorry...i was thinking about something else. You were on the right track...just go...blah blah blah.

And in my mind i was saying...BLAH-BLAH-BLAH...( :p) i mean can't he see its foggy night...and i am lost... Huh just a few blocks....and from the corner of my eye...i saw a board.... Oh my god... I remember this place....
Hurray...i will be fine now.

i am on my way...


I reached home..safe..sound...and in one piece. And my brother asked- its 09:30...why have you reached that late?
I said-i left from office at 9.
I guess... I don't mind getting lost...when i know that no matter what happens i will be fine.

Friday, 4 January 2013

i am speechless...


this feeling you have, your heart beating like a drum...knots in your stomach...your fingers curling and uncurling around a pen... felling uncomfortable...nausea-tic...

when you know you have taken a step in life that is so crucial...just for you...

no one understands how important it is for you...just you...
you tell yourself..."you'll be fine buddy"

a war going on inside your head...
Devil- so stupid you are. why are you doing this. its not even needed. why taking stupid chances.
Angel- its important for you. don't think about people. its you...and only you..that you need to care about.
Devil- ah...stop that bullshit. no one will ever know about it...no one even know what you did in past...so no one cares what are you doing now to make that right.
Angel- may be no one else know. but what about you? can you live with all that burden on your mind?
don't you want to feel light-headed, cool again... being yourself again?
Demon- stop this nonsense. be practical.
Angel- its good to be practical. but mind can never stay happy without its heart beating normally at its bedside.
Demon- do whatever you feel like. i don't give a damn.
Angel- yes... do whatever you want to... just make yourself happy...we can think
about others later...
i am with you...

Thursday, 3 January 2013

Must read...

Amitabh Bachchan pays his tribute to Delhi rape victim with his poem....  
------------
Maa bohot Dard sah kar..
bohot dard de kar..
tujhse kuch kah kar main jaa rahi hun........

Aaj meri vidai main jab Sakhiyaan milne aayengi...
Safai­d Jode main lipti dekh sisak sisak mar jayengi...
Ladki­ hone ka khud pe fr wo Afsos jatayengi.....

M­aa tu unse itna kah dena Darindo k duniya main Sambhal kar rahna..........­­.....
Maa Rakhi par jb Bhaiya Kalai suni rah jayegi..
yaad mujhe kar kar jab unki Aankh bhar ayegi....
Tilak mathe par karne ko Maa rooh meri bhi Machal jayegi...
Maa tu bhaiya ko rone na dena...
Main sath hu har Pal unse kah dena.......­...­..

Maa Papa bhi chhup chhup bohot royenge...
main kuch na kar paya ye kah k khud ko kosenge....
Maa dard unhe ye hone na dena..
Ilzaam koi lene na dena...
Wo Abhimaan hai mera samman hai mera..
tu unse itna kah dena........

Maa­ tere liye ab kya kahu..
dard ko tere shabdon main kaise bandhu...
fir se jeene ka moka kaise maangu......

Maa­ log tujhe satayenge....
mu­jhe azaadi dene ka tujhpe ilzaam lagayenge....
Ma­a sab sah lena par ye na kahna
"Agle janam Mohe Bitiya na dena"

Tuesday, 1 January 2013

What is love?


What is love?
I care for you...you care for me...is this love?

I can do anything for you, just be with me...is this love?

Mmm... I guess love has no designed parameters...it just happens...no reason no pre-requisities.
Love is the stupidest of all the emotions...may be because it is a combo-pack of all. It covers smiling...crying...anger...jealousy...care...concern...friendship...and love.
A few days back...while going through my diaries and stuff...i saw a page... A drawing of mine...in which...a guy was commiting suicide by hanging on a tree branch...and below that have written- how could a person be that stupid...how could he just finish everything just because of one person? What about everyone else? His family? Friends?

I just smiled...and closed that booklet... I realised how innocent i was... A child...stepping into youth...looking at the rainbows...believing her own life will be filled with them...considering love as the most amazing...loving...and happiest journey... Actually not just a journey...but a journey with a happy ending...or i must say...a story leading to a happy sequel.

At that age...life seemed like a sweet long drive... You will put your seat belt on...it wil just go on.
We will watch romantic movies...and so...considering one of our parents or friend.. to be the villian...we will just carry on...

And then...the real life starts... Yes you yourself could be the villian... Or what will you do if the person you are willing to fight for...is ready to give you up.  when sometimes differences will be so much...that you will consider the distance as the bestest option.
You will cry more than you laugh and still you have to carry on with the life..all the tasks... There will be times you don't want to talk to anyone...but you have to go to a party.
Times when all you want is to cry...but your friend's prob seems to be a more realistic one.
These will be times when your heart feels like overstretched. You want to give up on everything...even your breaths.

But wait dear...
Wait a little...and yes...there will be time when you will learn the basics again...in a mature sense, you will learn to control yourself... Just to fall again.
You will build the walls around your heart...you will feel fine and secure in your own little world.

And then there will be a person...who will come in your life... Will break those walls...will knock at your heart's door...will tell all the right passwords(words)...you will give them some space...and soon they will own that space...
But don't forget...its again a 50-50 shot. :)

i don't know that soulmate thing exist or not...i don't know people are good or not. I don't know the relationships still have their meaning or not...

There's no gaurranttee or warranttee for anything in this world...especially related to feelings...
So just remember...
No matter what's going on...there's someone or not...

Just have a RULE.
 
'everyday...just make two people happy... And make sure...you are one of them'

Comeback...

Well its never easy, but see here i am. I have been away from my blog for so long, can't really remember when i actually wrote 2 posts...